Falling in Love with Myself: A Journey to True Self-Acceptance
Falling in love with yourself is a concept that might sound a bit strange at first. We’re often taught to prioritize others, to give love freely, but when it comes to loving ourselves, we sometimes hesitate or struggle. For me, learning to love myself has been one of the most transformative experiences of my life. It has led me to a place of true self-acceptance, where I’ve found peace, joy, and a deeper understanding of who I am.
The Beginning of the Journey
My journey toward self-love has been a long time coming. Getting sober in 1987, I started realizing that I was treating myself in ways I would never treat others. I was overly critical, harsh, and unforgiving of my own mistakes. I held myself to impossibly high standards and constantly felt that I wasn’t good enough. This internal struggle left me feeling disconnected, anxious, and deeply unsatisfied with myself. (See blog on My Dark Nights of The Soul)
It was during a particularly challenging time that I recognized the need for change. It was December 2015, two months after leaving my 35 year marriage. I was at my 2nd Vision Quest where I had brought with me a letter I wrote to myself in 1988. I promised I would love myself. I promised to be kind to myself. I was so full of grief and loss of my family, I literally thought I would die. I had been giving so much of my time and energy to my family, and my work as a psychotherapist —that I had completely neglected my own needs. The imbalance was taking its toll, and I knew that if I didn’t start loving and caring for myself, I would never find the peace and fulfillment I was seeking.
Learning to Love Myself
The first step in learning to love myself was looing at my character flaws and saw that I needed an upleveling in my character (thank you 12 step programs). The second step was acknowledging that I deserved it. This wasn’t an easy realization; years of self-doubt had convinced me otherwise. But I began to see that loving myself wasn’t about being selfish or egotistical—it was about recognizing my worth and treating myself with the same kindness and compassion I offered to others.
I started by making big changes in my character and small changes in how I talked to myself. Instead of criticizing my flaws, I loved them. I began to have celebrations over every small step - picturing confetti pouring onto me out of the sky and hitting the pinata with candy showering all over me . I reminded myself daily that I was worthy of love, compassion and empathy. With my upgrade in character, I started to belive that I deserved to be treated well. These shifts, along with loving and accepting all of my shadow and all of my light, made a huge difference in how I felt about myself. And I became dedicated to walking my talk.
I also began to prioritize self-care. This meant setting aside time to do things that nourished my body, mind, and soul. Whether it was taking a walk in nature, meditating, dating, attending concerts, listening to podcasts, singing kareoke, taking a cruise, reading books or simply enjoying a conversation with a beloved friend, I made it a point to do things that resourced my nervous system. These moments of self-care became acts of love, reinforcing the message that I was worth the effort.
Facing My Shadows
As I continued on this journey, I realized that falling in love with myself also meant facing the parts of me that I had long ignored or rejected. These were the aspects of myself that I had labeled as "unlovable"—my fears, insecurities, and past mistakes.
Facing these shadowy parts was not easy, but was very necessary. I learned to LOVE the parts of myself that I didn’t like and were ashamed and embarrassed about.I learned to embrace them with empathy and compassion. I came to understand that true self-love meant accepting all the parts of me, not just the parts that were easy to love. I also loved that I made different choices from my character built on integrity.
Through this process, I discovered a deeper level of self-acceptance. I realized that my shadows were not something to be ashamed of but rather aspects of myself that needed healing, love, compassion and understanding. By bringing them into the light, I was able to integrate them into my whole self, rather than keeping them hidden away.
The Power of Self-Acceptance
As I fell more deeply in love with myself, I began to experience the power of true self-acceptance.
This wasn’t about becoming perfect or achieving some ideal version of myself—it was about embracing who I am, flaws and all.
Self-acceptance brought a sense of peace that I had never known before. I no longer felt the need to prove myself to others or to seek validation from external sources. I became more comfortable in my own skin, more confident in my abilities, and more at ease with my imperfections.
This acceptance also transformed my relationships. As I learned to love and accept myself, I found that I was better able to love and accept others. I no longer relied on others to fill the void within me, because I had learned to fill it myself. This allowed me to engage in relationships from a place of wholeness rather than neediness, leading to deeper, more authentic connections.
Living in Alignment with My True Self
Falling in love with myself has also led me to live more authentically. I’ve learned to honor my true self, to listen to my inner voice, and to make choices that align with my values and desires. This has brought a greater sense of fulfillment and joy into my life.
I’ve stopped comparing myself to others and measuring my worth by external standards (most days LOL). Instead, I focus on Source energy and LOVE. I trust myself more, knowing that I am capable of making the best decisions for my life. With every decision, I experience the lesson and learn from the decisions I make.
Living in alignment with my true self has also made me more resilient. I no longer fear judgment or rejection because I am secure in who I am. I DGAF most situations (I don’t give a f**k). I know that I am worthy of love and acceptance, just as I am, and that knowledge gives me the strength to face whatever challenges come my way.
Continuing the Journey
Falling in love with myself has been a life-changing experience, but it’s also an ongoing journey. There are still days when I struggle with fear and doing the “shoulda, coulda, woulda”, and now I remember the lesson I learned from the past and know I am here now with the teachings. I bring LOVE to my shame, fear, anger or sadness. I remember the little child within who didn’t have her needs met - and I meet my own needs now to the best of my ability.
I’ve learned that self-love is not a destination but a practice. It’s something that requires attention, effort, and commitment. The feeling of being IN LOVE is powerful - as we know - and to take that energy and direct it inwards is EVERYTHING!. By loving myself, I’ve discovered a wellspring of peace, joy, and fulfillment that I never knew was possible. The war within - I have brought the white flag in - and surrendered! Remember the saying “make love not war?” It’s so beautiful.
For anyone struggling with self-love, I want to say this: You are worthy of love, just as you are (although some character upgrades may be needed). It may take time and effort to fully believe it, but it’s a truth that can transform your life. Begin by treating yourself with the kindness and compassion you deserve, and watch as that love grows into true self-acceptance. As I started being a person of my word to myself, I trust myself more.
Falling in love with yourself is the foundation for everything else in your life. It’s the key to living authentically, building meaningful relationships, and finding true happiness. And once you’ve learned to love yourself, you’ll discover that you’ve been the love of your life all along. I am here to support you and shower you with Love, compassion and empathy - and to be a guide and a demonstration of what is possible.