Embracing the Dark Night of the Soul: My Personal Journey

The term "Dark Night of the Soul" has long been used to describe a period of intense spiritual desolation, disconnection, and inner turmoil. While the phrase often conjures images of despair and suffering, I’ve come to understand it as a profound opportunity for transformation. My experiences with the Dark Night of the Soul were some of the most challenging times of my life, yet it ultimately led me to a deeper understanding of myself and my path as a Shamanic Practitioner.

The Descent into Darkness

My Dark Night of the Soul didn’t arrive with any fanfare or warning. It crept in quietly, like a shadow slowly overtaking the light. At first, I didn’t even recognize it for what it was. I felt lost, disconnected from life, and overwhelmed by a sense of emptiness. The things that once brought me joy and fulfillment now seemed hollow, and I began to question everything I thought I knew. I tried to commit suicide at the age of 16 and had a few episodes of this feeling throughout my lifetime. The western world labeled me with Major Depressive Disorder.

As someone who had always felt a strong connection to the spiritual world, these disconnections were particularly painful. It was as if the very foundation of my life crumbled beneath me, leaving me adrift in a sea of uncertainty. My usual practices and rituals offered little solace, and I felt hopeless during these times.

The Struggle to Understand

In the midst of this darkness, I found myself grappling with questions that had no easy answers. Why was I going through this? What had I done to deserve this suffering? Was there something inherently wrong with me? These thoughts consumed me, and I often found myself spiraling deeper into despair.

It was during this time that I began to encounter my shadow—the parts of myself that I had long ignored or denied. The anger, fear, and self-doubt that I had pushed aside for years now demanded to be acknowledged. It was a painful process, but I knew that I could no longer avoid these aspects of myself. If I was to find my way out of the darkness, I devloped passion and determination to face them head-on.

The Turning Point

Surrendering to the Darkness

The turning points in my Dark Nights of the Soul came when I finally surrendered. I realized that the more I resisted the darkness, the stronger it became. It wasn’t until I allowed myself to fully experience the pain, fear, and confusion that I began to see the glimmer of light on the horizon. The last one I experienced, I went deeper and deeper into the pain.

Surrendering didn’t mean giving up—it meant letting go of the need to control the outcome and trusting in the process. I began to see my last Dark Night not as a punishment, but as an initiation—a rite of passage that would ultimately lead to greater understanding and growth.

The Lessons Learned

Emerging from the Dark Nights of the Soul was not a sudden or dramatic event. It was a gradual process, like the slow return of dawn after a long and difficult night. But as the light began to return, I realized that I had been forever changed by each experience. My last Dark Night was in 2022. I can count at least four in my lifetime.

Vulnerability as Strength

One of the most important lessons I learned was the power of vulnerability. The Dark Night stripped away my defenses, leaving me raw and exposed. In that vulnerability, I found a deeper connection to myself and to others. I remembered and followed through with getting support, trusting myself and those who love me, and embracing my imperfections.

The Cycles of Life

I also gained a deeper understanding of the cyclical nature of life. Just as night follows day, periods of darkness are a natural part of the spiritual journey. They are not something to be feared or avoided, but rather embraced as opportunities for growth and renewal.

Integrating the Experience into My Practice

As I integrated the lessons of the Dark Night into my life, I found that my work as a Shamanic Practitioner was transformed as well. I became more compassionate, more patient, and more attuned to the struggles of those I work with. I understand that the Dark Night is not something to be “fixed” or “cured,” but rather a sacred process that each person must navigate in their own way, in their own time. The only way out is through.

The experience also deepened my connection to the spiritual world. I realized that even in the darkest moments, I was never truly alone. The guidance and support of my ancestors, spirit guides, and the Earth itself were always there, even when I couldn’t feel them. This realization has brought a new level of trust and faith into my life.

Moving Forward: Embracing the Light and the Dark

The Dark Nights of the Soul were profound and transformative experiences that reshaped my understanding of myself and my spiritual journey. It was a time of intense pain and struggle, but it also opened the door to a deeper, more authentic way of being.

As I continue to walk the Red Road, I carry the lessons of the Dark Night with me. I know that darkness is not something to be feared, but rather a necessary part of the journey toward greater light and understanding. And I know that when the darkness comes again—as it inevitably will—I have the strength, the wisdom, and the support to navigate it with grace.

Final Thoughts: Offering Support

For anyone currently experiencing their own Dark Night of the Soul, I want to offer this: You are not alone. The darkness may seem overwhelming, but it is also the birthplace of transformation. All life comes from the dark. Think of the seed in the ground, or the womb. Trust in the process, surrender to the experience, and know that the light will return in its own time. And when it does, you will emerge stronger, wiser, and more deeply connected to your true self.

I am here to offer support and healing.