Setting Boundaries - Our Divine Right, by Jules Andersen

Boundaries are our divine right.

When we feel guilty placing boundaries, what we’re actually facing is our codependency conditioning. When we’ve been raised in homes with codependency, we believe we are responsible for the emotional states of others.

This causes us to feel fear over upsetting people when we place boundaries.

One of the most common questions I get in my community is: “How can I place boundaries without upsetting people?”

The answer is: you can’t.

People who haven’t been shown or experienced boundaries + who don’t place boundaries in their own lives can become highly emotionally activated when we place them.

They might tell us we’re being “selfish” or mean or attempt to shame or guilt us. This is important feedback on their level of emotional maturity.

How we respond to another person’s reaction is important feedback around our own emotional maturity.

Sometimes when I’m setting boundaries, I feel fear + my desire to people please surfaces. My heart pounds + my breathing shallows + tension sets in. This is all just part of the practice.

Some reminders as you set boundaries:

1. Boundaries are for YOU to set your own limits, not to control or demand the behavior of another person

2. People who are attempting to control or demand things from you as you set your boundaries are showing their own wounding. Practice holding the boundary without engaging in over-explaining or arguing your ‘side.’

3. Boundaries free us from feelings of resentment + being taken advantage of.

4. Women are conditioned from childhood to please + to be ‘polite’ that can make boundaries feel incredibly scary. This is all part of the process of releasing past conditioning + becoming your authentic self.

5. You are not responsible for the emotional state of others. You are responsible for your own emotions + and how you respond to them