Pay Attention – The Most Important Thing in Marriage, Partnership, and in Life, by Jules Andersen
Pay Attention – The Most Important Thing in Marriage, Partnership, and in Life
PAY ATTENTION!!!! This is a phrase most of us have heard our whole life – some of us more than others.
What does it mean exactly?
It means Be Aware, Be Conscious, Be Awake – to yourself! Yes, pay attention to yourself.
Most of us are very quick to observe others’ words or actions – especially our partners. I am here to invite you to try something different. To shift your focus away from others and to yourself.
The energy of connection, love, value, acceptance, and safety – these concepts often get lost in our fast-paced world. Imagine a forest fire and its intense energy – this is what our world is currently.
Today, I invite you to slow down. To bring water to the fire. To pay attention – to be aware of all your thoughts, all your feelings, all the words that come out of your mouth – and words you choose to withhold, and all the actions you take or choose not to take.
As you focus on yourself, I will ask you to be an observer. Observing yourself and becoming a reporter of yourself. This means you will only report the facts. You will not be critical of yourself. You will not judge yourself. You will not get angry at yourself. You will not blame yourself. You will not find fault with yourself. These are the killer energies, as I call them, that take us into depression, anxiety, and addiction! Even disease and illness.
The next step is to then “Be a person of your word.”
Think about all the agreements you make in your mind, and the ones you make out loud. Now think about the number of times you didn’t follow through with them. As you do this, stay in an energy of curiosity, “Hmmmmm, I wonder why I fought and yelled at my partner when I promised myself I wouldn’t do that anymore?” And then dialogue with yourself and pinpoint what you were feeling in your body at the time. Notice if you keep agreements with others, but not yourself. Now notice if you are critical, judgmental or angry at yourself. Notice if you blame or find fault with yourself. Notice if the killer energies are present. Now practice not being critical, judgmental, angry, fault finding or blaming of your awareness. And have fun noticing it. Begin embracing being a person of your word…. to yourself.
Every client that has sat on my couch over the last 30 years has reported experiencing killer energies. They report they make agreements with themselves and don’t follow through as much as they follow through with others. I invite them to notice this and practice what I explained earlier in the article. I can report 100% of my client’s experience improvement immediately. They report improvements in all their relationships.
I can promise that following through with these simple, yet challenging directions will have you living in joy most of the time! As you live a conscious self-aware life, you will see that everything is a choice, and you become empowered. You now practice making choices and playing with the outcome. Simple word changes create huge shifts. Living in this energy brings lightness, laughter, playfulness, and joy into your soul and into your marriage. I have experienced this firsthand – and seen it with all the couples, individuals, and families I work with. Start today! This is a new beginning.
