Stop Walking On Eggshells
& Dance With Anger

by Jules Andersen

The answer is FEAR

Do you ever feel as though you are walking on eggshells when talking to your partner or friends? Why does it feel this way? Why are you so cautious?

The answer is fear. We can be afraid of the unknown. We can be afraid of the reaction. We can be afraid we may say or do something that upsets or hurts the other, which will ultimately lead to them walking away. We can be fearful of rejection. The fear of abandonment is a term that we all are familiar with.

If we are walking on eggshells, we are not claiming our power. We are timid and do not speak up for ourselves or express our authentic thoughts and feelings. This results in stuffing and suppressing our emotions, which can lead to anxiety and depression, which can then lead to addictions of all kinds.

So how do we reclaim our power? And stop walking on eggshells?

Regulating Our Emotions

Firstly, we want to honor and respect each other by regulating our emotions. We are responsible for our own thoughts, feelings, words, and actions. We want to ground ourselves and breathe in life (prana) to remain peaceful and calm.

Observing ourselves and claiming responsibility for ourselves puts us in a very powerful position.

Can’t you FEEL the power in this as you read it?

Body Language

Then, we consciously choose words wisely and use a tone of voice and facial expressions that are curious and confident. We can lean in and offer a loving touch while speaking, assuring our partner or friend “we are connected and present.” Can you imagine how different discussions and conflicts could feel with this practice?

Also notice any triggered places in your body during the conversation - noticing any tension, any changes in breathing, any bodily sensations that say “my nervous system has become dysregulated.” Continuing to talk while our bodies are dysregulated can lead to physical and emotional outbursts. This is why it is so important to take charge of yourself and to pause when you notice these changes in your body - even letting your partner or friend know what is going on internally within you OUT LOUD. Then you can also take a break to regulate your emotions and promise to return to the conversation at a later time as your regulate your body - and then, actually follow through with your promise and return to resolve the conflict. So much trust and emotional safety is built with being a person of your word.

ANGER is a big one - and let’s learn how to dance with anger rather than lashing out or shutting down. Yes, Let’s dance with it. Welcome it into your world because it’s an emotion that most of us avoid. I have figured out anger itself is not the scary emotion, it’s the displays of anger that make us want to avoid it - hitting, pushing, yelling, slamming, throwing things, slamming doors, grabbing or silence. YUCKY! But becomes ever so powerful to display because it gets it out of your body. So I recommend getting it out of your body in a way that doesn’t harm you or the other person - the Nerf Bat Exercise (as described in my book) which is to take a nerf bat and hit the bed or the couch or the chair cushion. Nothing that can break. And you hit with the bat over and over while getting the anger out. This is just one example. The Ice Ritual is another one where you get ice from the freezer, find a stucco wall, and start throwing handfuls of ice at the wall while you voice the anger, or make sounds to expel it from your body. The ice melts, the wall stays unharmed and all is released. A sore shoulder may occur, but these are a couple of safe ways to let go and shift.

Dancing with anger is another way to get anger out. Put on some African drumming music and dance - release the tension from your body. Have the courage to do something different. Say “this begins with me” and stop waiting for the other person to do it differently. Change your part in the choreography and the dance. Empower yourself. Claim your power - not handing your power over to someone else.

To calm down and slow down our own reactivity so we can think clearly in the midst of the tornado that starts when we are triggered. We are 100% responsible for our own emotion regulation - no matter what is coming at us. (As recently witnessed by Will Smith at the Oscars).

This is a maturing process. Sometimes called “adulting.” Many of us were raised in homes where anger was stuffed and suppressed or expressed outwardly and terrifying. So we can go through life as a “conflict avoider” and in trauma states as a result. Conflict avoiders will definitely experience more conflict within themselves and eventually snap. And conflict avoiders actually create more conflict.

So challenge yourself - in your relationships - to have a profound respect for each other’s differences and perspectives. Have so much self love that you regulate your own emotions and take risks by using your throat chakra and opening up. Create emotional safety by being an accepting and compassionate listener and seek to understand the other you are in conversation with. This will get you on the path of creating a deep connection and an emotionally safe environment. Dance, Dance, Dance - you will be glad you did.